Coffe vs Tea Is The Most Useless Debate, Because Let’s Face It, Chai Will Always Win

Are you drinking coffee right now? Screw you.

Why are you drinking coffee my brethren? Why? The brown drink of capitalist corruption. The drink that has inspired countless 13-year-olds to dress up in their finest sequinned shorts so they can spend their father’s hard-earned cash at Starbucks.

Why you do this? When you can be drinking chai…

The other brown drink. The brown drink of the common man. The aam aadmi ka liquid.

Chai is the sweet elixir of life on Monday morning, and Tuesday morning, and Wednesday morning and the rest of the important days. It combines everything India loves, milk for Mother Cow and unnecessary spices. Chai isn’t just powder and milk, it has shit in it.

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It can have Ginger.
It can have mint
It can have Turmeric for when you’re sick.

What does coffee have? Ice cream, chocolate, nuts, fruit. Childish things. Not like Chai, which is for the discerning adult.

Who do you picture with a cup of coffee in their hands? You might be thinking of an exhausted mother, of your colleague who think he smells like AXE but he really smells like gin.

Now who do you picture drinking chai?




Chai doesn’t just happen when bitter dirt falls into water. Chai is brewed with love and care. That guy outside your office who makes it? He boils only the finest unfiltered water and off brand leaves to make that crisp morning tea you love so much. He put his sweat and literal sweat into making sure you look alive when you enter your office 10 minutes late.

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It is this tradition and skill that chai embodies.

Which is why it is a tragedy that it is not in your mouth right now…so what are you waiting for? Open your mouth and let the hot liquid flow right in.

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